Vega: Beauty is Pain

Vega is a character from the Street Fighter franchise who debuted in Street Fighter II. He is Nobility, born in Spain, though he may be Catalan due to his birth and subsequent upbringing in Barcelona. His early life is relatively unknown. When he was roughly a preteen, his life was forever altered. His father, in a fit of rage, murdered his mother in front of him. Vega, understandably terrified, proceeded to murder his father in self-defense. He lost both of his parents in one tragic night.

He grew older. Learning techniques of proper ninja, before moving back to Spain. He became a well-known Matador, slaying countless amounts of angry, violent bulls. The only thing that would quiet his mind was the slaying of the bull. A momentary peace to his violently racing mind, an escape from the agony of his past. He also took up assassination, though the details of his early career have not been divulged. Eventually, Shadaloo, a criminal organization, and rogue micronation, picked him up. He was quickly promoted to third in command, the top-ranking Assassin within the organization. He was likely only in his late teens when he was put to work within Shadaloo. He was only outranked within Shadaloo by Sagat - a large muay-thai fighter out for revenge against the main protagonist Ryu - and M. Bison - the founder and self-proclaimed Dictator of shadaloo, abusing his psychic abilities that are now fueled by hate, anger, and fear. It’s not unreasonable to speculate why M. Bison keeps Vega within his grasp. Certainly, after experiencing such a traumatic event, it wouldn’t be outlandish to assume that Vega developed some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. If we run with the assumption that he does have this disorder, it’s likely the only reason he’s stayed is due to Bison abusing his fragile mental states. He constantly lashes out against Bison, threatening to kill him multiple times, going against direct orders. But yet he stays.

Now, there’s something i’ve neglected to mention throughout his backstory breakdown is something important to his character. He is deeply, unapologetically Queer. Vega frequently displays quite a few stereotypically queer tropes, such as his obsession with his own beauty, his often androgynous (or at bare minimum slightly feminine) apppearances, very frequent compliments to those he finds to be as beautiful as him, and his occasional flirting with men. His mask, while concealing his identity, is actually intended to protect Vega’s face from being scathed whatsoever. Whenever his self-perceived beauty is tarnished, he typically flies into a panicked rage, as when his parents were both killed he internalized ugliness as a threat to himself, some form of ultimate evil with him as a purveyor of beauty. These are common stereotypes for queer men, especially as villains. The vanity, the flamboyant nature, the flirtatiousness, the forbiddeness of potential relationships. Relationships that he can never have due to his own self-destructive nature and instability.

There’s a far more important question to be asked relating to Vega. Why do I relate so deeply to this sadistic, psychopathic, vain man? Why is it that I see some of my own experiences, even if vastly different, within him? I don’t think i relate specifically to all of his pain at once. He is queer, he has the capacity for hurt, and so do I. Pain is pain, regardless of what kind is being experienced. The suffering that comes with existence is universal, after all. That desire to lash out against whoever oppresses you, or locks you into an abusive cycle, it’s certainly shared, even if not to the same degrees.

Being closeted hurt. I knew what I was as young as 8, but the world around me told me I was wrong. My Grandparents would take me to church in Oklahoma. They would preach how the gay were damned to hell. I was scared, because surely I wouldn’t go to hell, right? But I was already scared, the seed had already germinated.

Fast forward 5 years. Times had changed, and I was able to finally start coming to terms with myself in the 8th grade. Then, I thought I was lesbian. A year passed, and I thought Bisexual? Then another year, Pansexual felt right. Then I had graduated, and genderfluidity felt comfortable to me. I struggled with internalized homophobia for YEARS. Section 8 of Stigma and Sexual Orientation (Gregory Herek) covers this phenomena. Constant reinforcement that we are wrong, that we are unnatural. It buries itself. But, I have moved past that now. Ultimately, I will be who I am, and I hope one day Vega will be given the same chance.